Tuesday, November 18, 2008

20 things to do before turning 21

yes I was busy , yes I didn't blog I'm desperately sorry ( dunno why yet again) blah blah blah I'm so tedious aren't I? ( and no that's not a cheap ploy to make you I'm not , honest :) )
anyhow I'm turning 20 today (eeeek) which is both exciting and freaky and in celebration of how odd I'm feeling at the moment I wrote this rather umm unlikely list of things I plan to do before turning 21!

1-Get Joseph Fiennes and /or Romain Duris pregnant

2-Become professional burlesque dancer

3-Acquire chocolate factory

4-Acquire purple suit , mini top-hat with a tulle veil and singing koalas to work in chocolate factory (Oompa Loompas are so passé ) ooooh and Christian Laboutin boots

5-Have a statue of myself erected in a public square

6-Have statute pulled down a la saddam Hussein while hordes of koalas scream hooray
7-Become shaabi singer and sing a duet with Sha3bola

8-Invent fat free chocolate and win Nobel prize for it

9-Acquire pirate outfit ,a foul mouthed parrot and an evil pirate gang and storm kasr el Gomhouria

10-Acquire herd of goats , lederhosen and white haired grandpappy and immigrate to the Swiss Alps and live the Heidi life (this is if all my other plans fail)

11-Rule the universe for a day ( any more than that and I’d muck things up irreversibly)

12-Become virtuoso violinist (ha-ha possibly the most impossible one)

13-Write an Opera entitled “fein el akl ya welya” starring the fatafeat ant dude

14-Buy a haunted palace (I’d love to own the Winchester house)

15-Buy my father a Harley Davidson (I’m actually serious about this one)

16-Find the reincarnation of Marlon Brando and marry him ( this is assuming he didn’t come back as a man- eating Lion or an Oak tree )

17-Be declared poet laureate of an obscure country

18-Become glamorous socialite and have Candace Bushnell write a fictionalized account of my exploits which will later be turned into a series which will star Rachel Weisz

19-Become a vegan cobbler

20-Purchase obscene amount of shoes and become renown for it kinda like Imelda Marcos

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

dad-ism no 1

my father is an eminently quotable man, it could do with the fact he is a sort of hemingwayesque sort of fellow who is both an excellent shot ,hunter and hardcore drinker ( my father can legitimately tell stories about the time he hunted with masai tribesmen etc etc) and yet has a soft tender side , also he is a complete loon who will often suddenly start quoting Conan the barabarian or the begining part of flash gordon ( he espeacially likes the bit where emperor ming the merciless says " I like to play with things a while before annihilation” mwahahahah) (more about this later)
I think the world could benefit from the pearls of wisdom which my father very often chooses to bestow upon me (or exasperate me with) par example yesterday after fitar ,my dad always has the darkest most pungent expresso conceivable. Anyway he proffers it to me to smell then laughs and says "now thats what a real man smells like!" , "if you were ever to marry my dear ,make sure your husband smells of expresso ,cigars and whisky because only then will you know that he has a proper appreaciation for the good things in life" er right dad
Anyway expect more dad-isms tres soon!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

pretty oh so pretty

if ever a nation took their horticulture seriously 'twas the dutch
look what some awfully clever dutch businessman came up with

and not just roses either but like a zillion other types of flower
check their site out. I have a sneaking suspicion that the rainbow effect is achieved through dye somehow , perhaps through splitting the stems possibly? anyhows I think they are most lovely

don't ever .....

attempt to dance on a treadmill a'la ok Go in order to annoy your younger sister , you'll only fall on the treadmill and skin your knees - and that my friends is freaking painful

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Au clair de Lune (shuffle tag)

Tagged by lovely Sou (tagged meself out of boredom)
Here are the rules:
1. Put your iTunes/music player on “Shuffle”.
2. For each question, press the “Next” button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT! After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do them themselves.

1.IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Gypsy by Suzanne Vega (hmm)

2.WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Venus in furs by the velvet underground (WHAT!!! crazy Ipod)(I do like strappy boots though!)
3.WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? bats mouth by bat for lashes (so I like looniness , well true)
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? thank god I'm pretty by Emilie Autumn (hahaha thats ridiculous)

5.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? predictions by suzanne vega (another hmm)
6.WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? the chamber by the last shadow puppets (yikes!)
7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? the songs that we sing by Charlotte gainsbourg(kind of true)
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Marlene on the wall by Suzanne Vega
9.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? l'excessive by Carla Bruni (quelle surprise !)
10.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? so long Marianne by JJ Cale

11.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Rose Red by Emilie Autumn (my sister would agree !)

12.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Jesus the mexican boy by Iron and wine (a little off the mark)
13.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Horrorshow by Bat for Lashes (God my Ipod is possessed!)

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Beauty mark by Charlotte Gainsbourg (awww )
15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Everything I cannot see by Charlotte Gainsbourg (wow!)
16.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? night time intermission by Charlotte Gainsbourg (not too far off )

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?In my room by the last shadow puppets

18.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? I dont like you anymore by the last shadow puppets (what is up dudes ???)
19. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? au clair de lune by Debussy

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF? lemon incest by Serge Gainsbourg

I tag Mofa, Forsooth, That Guy, Zawaya el maraya and maxxed out

Monday, August 25, 2008

explanation of the last days of the bluechina acolyte

I thought it would be interesting to explain my poem to you Since this poem is so to speak a collage of historical incidents I thought I'd give a little background info to clarify things for you. (khalas ba2a the label of nerd/weirdo has becomed permanently affixed to my head )! enjoy !

1-blue china acolyte : in his earliest days at college wilde is reported to have said "I find it harder and harder every day to live up to my blue china." hence blue china acolyte

2- "The heart was meant to be broken" if memory serves this came from 'an ideal husband" not very sure though

3-“cupping his Egyptian cigarette” once upon a time ,in the 19th century Egypt produced the world’s finest cigarettes and Wilde being the refined man he was delighted in them . He once said of cigarettes “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” also check out this extraordinary short story by Kate Chopin

4- “a mad boy with a rose petal mouth”: here of course I’m referring to Lord Alfred Douglas “Bosie” the cause of Wilde’s down fall ,one of the letters used in the trial against Wilde was written to Bosie and ran thus “Your sonnet is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red rose-leaf lips of yours should have been made no less for music of song than for the madness of kisses. Your slim gilt soul walks between passion and poetry. I know Hyacinthus, whom Apollo loved so madly, was you in Greek days”

5-“A sighing love”- this is from Lord Alfred Douglas’s infamous poem “two loves”

6- “childrens kisses” Wilde had two sons , Vivian and Cyril whom he adored And who inspired his exquisite children’s stories which were collected in “a house of pomegranates” the worst thing Wilde experienced was loss of the right to see his children after his release from Reading Gaol

7- Amber scented champagne – I took this from "De Profundis” the 90 page letter he wrote to lord Alfred whilst in prison

8-'Who never ate his bread in sorrow, Who never spent the midnight hours Weeping and waiting for the morrow, - He knows you not, ye heavenly powers.' This was written by Goethe and often quoted to Oscar by his mother Lady Jane Wilde

9- “The wanderer he became” after his release from prison Wilde spent the last three years of his life in L’hotel d’alsace in Paris. He went under the assumed name of Sebastian Melmoth, after the famously Saint Sebastian and the devilish central character of Wilde's great-uncle Charles Robert Maturin's gothic novel Melmoth the Wanderer.

10- “duelling with wallpaper
he or it had to go!” Just a month before his death Wilde is quoted as saying, "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or other of us has got to go."

11-“a purple clad priest at his side” On his deathbed Wilde became a Catholic

12-“he had been killed
by the thing he loved
By each let this be heard
neither by sword nor kiss
but with a careless word”
This is an adaptation of Wildes famous poem ‘The Ballad of Reading Gaol”

The last days of the Blue china Acolyte

if you haven't noticed yet , I kinda have a thing for Oscar Wilde and since my Muse decided to get off her fat derriere recently and do some frolicking I found myself inspired to write this. I hope you don't find yourself puking excesively :) and yeah I do realise he actually died 108 years ago smart bums
Enjoy! (or not depending on your proclivities)


"the heart was made to be broken"
a clever man once said
cupping his Egyptian cigarette
as his own heart quietly bled
for a mad boy
with a rose petal mouth
who would watch
as for a sighing love
a dreamer was destroyed
deprived of
all that made him
childrens kisses
amber scented champagne
forsaken by Apollo
he fashioned Gods
of sorrow and of Pain
as he wept and moaned
over his chains
for the flaneur
who would never rise again

"'Who never ate his bread in sorrow,
Who never spent the midnight hours
Weeping and waiting for the morrow,
He knows you not, ye heavenly powers.'
so she often told him
the bravest of mothers
so at last
he took off the mask
from heaven mercy asked
and sang his last refrain
and so for him a new life began
and a new understanding of man

the wanderer he became
to escape his filthied fame
but it haunted him
that and newer pains
but still he laughed
still he smiled
whiled away the time
with brandy, boys
and sacre coeurs chimes

The end it came most slow
duelling with wallpaper
he or it had to go !
it was him alas
and well did he
this know
so he bid the world goodbye
a purple clad priest at his side
pressed his hand
and closed his eyes
at news of his death
the world both smiled
and cried

he had been killed
by the thing he loved
By each let this be heard
neither by sword nor kiss
but with a careless word
bid goodnight
the sweet prince
100 years in earth interred
he wrote the loveliest words
the loveliest I ever saw
the wisest I ever heard
for this I honour him
and shall never suffer that his name
by fools and prudes
ever be slurred

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Genpets are a hoax !

I can't believe it ..... check this out !

Beware the wolvog

I love Dystopian novels and one of the best I've ever read is Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake which discusses the dangers of genetic engineering espeacially when it comes to genitically modifying animals. The book featured strange hybrids like wolvogs" (hybrids between wolves and dogs), "rakunks" (raccoon and skunk), and "pigoons" (pig and baboon) and the even odder spoat (a goat and spider hybrid) The book is sold under the label of Science fiction Atwood prefers to label this work as "speculative fiction" it turns out she was justified as evinced by these creepy looking Genpets , I'd love to know what you all think about this , do you think that science can go too far? or is anything justified in the name of bettering the human lot ? would you ever consider buying a genpet?
we live in strange times indeed

Saturday, August 23, 2008

my constant prayer

ah! seigneur! donnez-moi la force et le courage - de contempler mon coeur et mon corps sans dégoût!

ah! lord! give me the force and courage - to contemplate my heart and my body without disgust!

Charles Baudelaire -les fleurs de mal