Sunday, August 27, 2006

an interesting reason to quit being a vegetarian

my vegetarianism never ceases to amaze all and sundry in egypt
i have been declared mentally ill , a maschoist , a fool (by people utterly lacking in subtlety i.e my beloved family )
a liar (because lets just say im rather generously proportioned ) amongst other things .
i was even asked once by that how is it it possible that i am christian and the rest of my family are muslims .
everyone i know is a food missionary seeking to help me see the light and return on the straight and narrow path of meat consumption .
and the other day a rather elderly friend of my grandmas gave me a rather novel reason to once again return to the ranks of the righteous .

charming elderly friend : ya habibti why dont you have a chicken wing

me: no thank you ya tante im vegetarian i dont eat meat of any sort

cef: vegetarian (nabateya) what does that mean anyway?

me: (my lengthy explaination of vegetarian ethos and values , why i became one etc etc)

cef: (putting hand on heart and generally acting scandalized) bas ya habibiti what are you going to do when youre married arent going to cook meat for your husband

me : ummm i dont know i really havent thought about it . i really dont think so though

cef: you should . and also men like to have their wives eat with them from the same dishes and feed them . you'll never get married if you dont start eating meat . youre in egypt ya habibti you have to forget this nonsense . now eat this chicken wing (after a long and lengthy struggle i convince her that if i eat it i will be violently and painfully sick , utterly miserable and other disagreeable things )
yes dear readers i must cease this nonsense , for my marital status is at stake (so saith the virtuous chicken brandishing crone) .
seriously im already sick of my husband whoever that stupid bastard is , he is a self righteous , intolerant,petty,meat gobbling moron and the source of much of my misery. my grandmother is now persisting in giving me lessons on how to cook various forms of dead animal flesh .

it seems im destined to live in a constant state of nausea

im going to start to start EVA (egyptian vegeterains anonymous ) to deal with this debilitating desire to not to eat animal corpses . and besides id love to trade stories with other vegeterians living in our meat worshipping society

so is there anybody out there?

so it seems i am a bimbo

The Sandmonkey said...
Being the frontline in the war between the US and Iran, and being a shia powerhouse in the region!

evidently i did not express myself clearly . i meant that i fail to see what strategic good can come of this war in the short term (other than getting the prisoners back blah blah which seems like merely a excuse for warmongering ) except perhaps bothering israel which will in turn bother the Us which is iran's objective ( this is assuming that iran is backing hezbollah which is more than probable) but where can they go from here?
an attempted 'liberation' of israel ? the implantation of a shia government in lebanon? (civil war again? )in short how do they intend to become a"shia powerhouse " as the sandmonkey put it
ok they now have a huge fanbase in the mideast they are having praise heaped on them for military brilliance etc.. nothing seems predictiable as I see it

Thursday, August 24, 2006

(not bewitched) just bewildered and bothered

a small query ..........
perhaps im not watching the news closely enough but a certain point seems to elude me .
what does hezbollah want exactly?
i mean seriously do they have strategic motives in mind ? what exactly do they want ?
(asides from obliterating israel which sadly is not a novel desire in the middle east)
the shiaziation of lebanon? i honestly dont care if anyone declares me a bimbo but i'd seriously love to know

Thursday, August 17, 2006

adolscent miseries

life can truly be a grease slathered rusty bucket of shit sometimes
for the past week i have been battling with
1- the fact that i'll have to repeat my first term of law school because my arabic is crappy(first term is entirely in arabic) and because my mother imbued me with a concsience and hence i cannot cheat which sort of makes me mad because people twenty times more incomptent than iam managed to pass because they did cheat

2- a swollen eye which makes me look like something our of b-horror flick

3- the fact that said eye may have to be operated on if the swelling doesnt go down by the end of the week

4-i havent been paid for three months of work - im starting to get the disturbing feeling that im being ripped off because im 17 and hence people assume im naive and unlikely to ask for my rights

5- my arabic tutor is quite possibly beezlebub himself sans any form of panache or rakish charm just a vicious desire to make me as miserable as is possible

6- my mother wants me to reduce my current weight (66 kg) to (in my humble opinion) a slighty freakish 50 and has increased her nagging capacities hundredfold . the consumption of bread at this juncture is now considered to be worse than murder

oh well at least there is a ceasefire in lebanon though god knows how long that will last or if anything will come of it

sigh sigh sigh..........................................

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

on the agonies of being a temporary housewife

thank god my mother is finally home !
for the past week i have been acting as surrogate mamma pour la famille because my perfect sometimes eerily like martha stewart mother had gone on a business trip .
suffice it to say i have developed a newfound respect for the creator of yellow kitchen gloves .
the amount of disgusting things one has to deal with on a daily basis to keep a house clean is disturbing .
just as my luck would have it my usually sloth like and constantly homebound sister had developed a new leaf and has started working part time in a nursery while taking an adavnced computer course at school so by the time she gets back home shes about as useful a bikini in the north pole .

a list of the things i had to do on a daily basis
1-wake up and quell the whinging creature in my head
2- taking washing off line
3- take out laundry from the night before to hang on line
4- wake sister and father
5-take a mallet to my sisters head so she'll actually wake up
6-avoid being pummeled to death by irritated sister
7- make coffee and tea for sister and father
8- after they leave tidy beds , pick up and fold sundry garments and generally sort rooms out
9- remove cups , overflowing ashtrays , bottles and other debris from living room
10- wash dishes and daydream about living on my own or with a compulsively clean roomate
11- clean greasy food encrusted stove
12- clean now revolting sink
13-take out trash
14-sweep kitchen floor
15- survey bathroom in dismay
16-consider having breakdown , contemplate drinking myself into oblivion
17-do neither and sigh resignedly
18 -wash bathroom sink
19- arm myself with toilet brush and soap in order to clean toilet(while gagging violently)
20- sort out the ridiculous amount of beauty products we have in shower stall
21- begin 'proper' work i.e writing articles , reading for arabic course etc.
22- realize that i havent made lunch
23- make some form of lunch (usually some sort of pasta a salad and kofta /escalope panee /something that can be defrosted and fried )
(excuse me for not being a cordon bleu chef!)
24-wash implements used for cooking
25- wash once again greasy food encrusted stove
26 -retreat to a darkened room where i can weep in a corner before the family arrives
27-warm pasta in microwave because it is now stone cold
28- after lunch/dinner wash dishes etc.
29- curse whoever decided to tile our kitchen floor with freaking beige tiles that show every single particle of dirt and grime and proceed to clean floor
30- finally am finished ! retire to bed with a good book of which i read about 10 sentences before totally zonking out .ake up disturbed in middle of night because i forgot to eitherturn offgas , set alarm or take washing off line
then there was that terrible tuesday when the cleaning lady came and my siter decided to throw a dinner party for her friends .
i had to dust , polish all my mothers antiques ,ornaments , television , sundry bookcases around the house , make sure the cleaning lady doesnt rob us , cook make frantic calls to my sister because some essential ingredient is missing , make pasta salad , fry samosas , make french bread (speacial request) , fry chicken and make other sundry salads then panic because i had nothing for the guests to drink , found lemons made lemonade .
im feeling frantic all over again just writing this
what a sad end to my bright feminist dreams
alas i have fallen prey to that terrible scrouge