Tuesday, August 01, 2006

on the agonies of being a temporary housewife

thank god my mother is finally home !
for the past week i have been acting as surrogate mamma pour la famille because my perfect sometimes eerily like martha stewart mother had gone on a business trip .
suffice it to say i have developed a newfound respect for the creator of yellow kitchen gloves .
the amount of disgusting things one has to deal with on a daily basis to keep a house clean is disturbing .
just as my luck would have it my usually sloth like and constantly homebound sister had developed a new leaf and has started working part time in a nursery while taking an adavnced computer course at school so by the time she gets back home shes about as useful a bikini in the north pole .

a list of the things i had to do on a daily basis
1-wake up and quell the whinging creature in my head
2- taking washing off line
3- take out laundry from the night before to hang on line
4- wake sister and father
5-take a mallet to my sisters head so she'll actually wake up
6-avoid being pummeled to death by irritated sister
7- make coffee and tea for sister and father
8- after they leave tidy beds , pick up and fold sundry garments and generally sort rooms out
9- remove cups , overflowing ashtrays , bottles and other debris from living room
10- wash dishes and daydream about living on my own or with a compulsively clean roomate
11- clean greasy food encrusted stove
12- clean now revolting sink
13-take out trash
14-sweep kitchen floor
15- survey bathroom in dismay
16-consider having breakdown , contemplate drinking myself into oblivion
17-do neither and sigh resignedly
18 -wash bathroom sink
19- arm myself with toilet brush and soap in order to clean toilet(while gagging violently)
20- sort out the ridiculous amount of beauty products we have in shower stall
21- begin 'proper' work i.e writing articles , reading for arabic course etc.
22- realize that i havent made lunch
23- make some form of lunch (usually some sort of pasta a salad and kofta /escalope panee /something that can be defrosted and fried )
(excuse me for not being a cordon bleu chef!)
24-wash implements used for cooking
25- wash once again greasy food encrusted stove
26 -retreat to a darkened room where i can weep in a corner before the family arrives
27-warm pasta in microwave because it is now stone cold
28- after lunch/dinner wash dishes etc.
29- curse whoever decided to tile our kitchen floor with freaking beige tiles that show every single particle of dirt and grime and proceed to clean floor
30- finally am finished ! retire to bed with a good book of which i read about 10 sentences before totally zonking out .ake up disturbed in middle of night because i forgot to eitherturn offgas , set alarm or take washing off line
then there was that terrible tuesday when the cleaning lady came and my siter decided to throw a dinner party for her friends .
i had to dust , polish all my mothers antiques ,ornaments , television , sundry bookcases around the house , make sure the cleaning lady doesnt rob us , cook make frantic calls to my sister because some essential ingredient is missing , make pasta salad , fry samosas , make french bread (speacial request) , fry chicken and make other sundry salads then panic because i had nothing for the guests to drink , found lemons made lemonade .
im feeling frantic all over again just writing this
what a sad end to my bright feminist dreams
alas i have fallen prey to that terrible scrouge


Herlock Sholmes said...

lol, outsourcing is your friend!!

forsoothsayer said...

dude...u can either ge a maid or be a maid here. or live in slovenly bliss like me and my sister.