losing my religion

its times like these that make me want to give up not just on islam but organized religion in general . i'm so tired of the endless killing , the endless tears the endless misery . when will it stop? when nasrallah is dead ? according to the sandmonkey that doesnt mean the end of hizbuallah . when israel is scraped off the map ? that i think will never happen the israelis are too resilent .
funny that all this barbarity springs from religion ,
which is supposed to elevate the soul of man , to teach kindness and compassion and understanding . isn't religon about that ? isnt basically a moral code by which to live a decent and moral life ?
i no longer see any morality and to be frank decency is stone cold dead
i could never be an atheist as i do believe in the exsistence of some higher creator being . as it seems illogical that our twisted exsistence doesnt have some profounder purpose than fucking and murdering each other
at the moment agnosticism is begining to look very congenial
agnosticism is tolerant of others , no-one is an infidel /heathen doomed to the fiery brimstone scented bowels of hell
agnosticism leaves room to believe in a creator being and anything else in fact
agnosticism is intellectually honest - its main teachings are who knows? and its possible
tell me one evil thing done in the name of agnosticism ?
as for religon ....... countless
the spanish inquistion , the death of gandhi , sabra and shatila , the salem witch trials etc etc
and now lebanon .
this is a difficult time to believe but still im trying to cling to the tattered remants of my faith
on a lighter note if i go agnostic im not doomed if i have premarital sex !
and now tell me agnosticism is bad !

"Let no one ever, from henceforth say one word in any way countenancing war.
It is dangerous even to speak of how here and there the individual may gain
some hardship of soul by it. For war is hell, and those who institute it
are criminals. Were there even anything to say for it, it should not be said;
for its spiritual disasters far outweigh any of its advantages." robert nichols

an apt poem

anthem for doomed youth

what passing bells for those who died as cattle
only the monstrous anger of the guns
only the stuttering rifles rapid rattle
can patter out their hasty orisons
no mockeries now for them ;no prayers or bells
nor any voice of mourning save the choirs -
the shrill demented choirs of wailing shells;
and bugles calling for them in sad shires

what candles may be held to speed them all?
not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
shall shine the holy glimmer of goodbyes
the pallor of girls brows shall be their pall;
their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
and each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds

wilfred owen

disgust

suddenly i feel disgust at myself at that last post
i mean how can i be so terribly trivial at a time like this , so petty
but i cant post political posts . what else can i possibly add to the deluge of brilliant inteprtations and predictions .
but you cant help laughing at the little sillinesses of your own life

my dearest family

my best beloveds
despite the fact you are the prop of my oterwise miserable exsistence ,i feel disinclined to like you when when you force me to do things that are akin to chinese torture
i.e washing the juicer after you have made something like a litre of grape juice
the prime perpetrator of this travesty upon my sanity is ..... papa
do you realize ma chere how impossibbly revolting it is to empty the dispenser of a mass of pulpy grape remants that are somewhat remiscent of troll poo.
but you must realise its not just that , do you realize how many peculiar jigmabobs a juicer contains ? all needing to be washed and dried most carefully so our tongues dont fall out the next time we metamorph into health freaks (which is lasts for about a day) . moreover i have to clean the sink because after the intense scrubbing session it takes on the appearance of a petri dish with samples of alien life forms. and of all chores in the world that has to be the most digusting.
and then mummy will come and critique ever single movement related to the cleansing process
and thus make me doubly miserable
and naturelment my lovely sis will have conveniently vanished to unknown regions .
god i hate washing the juicer!

futile me

i just read in robas blog about the peaceful demonstration in amman for lebapn/palestine
i'd really love to organize something here in cairo
but im just a blip in the blogosphere an alien life form trying to make contact
what is me to do?
im no sandmonkey!
if anyone does hear of anything that is peaceful in the extreme
please tell me
i just need to do something

la pauvre

lebanon......
I've never been there , I've never met anyone from lebanon
but nonetheless i fell in love with the idea of the place , of images
i like to think of the people there as being something akin to the glamorous parisenes of collettes novels .
tasteful , charming exquisite , but nontheless suffering an identity crisis (as is most of the middleeast)
perhaps these are merely the stupidities of an overly romantic adolscent
but its so unjust ,so unfair what is happening
why does an entire country have to pay for a few peoples mistakes .
this is eerily like what happened in the first world war
just for the death of one prince .... countries were engulfed in the madness of a war
but can one put an equation on human lives ?
are 8 israelis worth hundreds of lebanese ?
is the death of hassan nasrallah worth hundreds of israelis?
our so called leaders seem so terribly distant from us , goernments have become monolithic entities without souls just endlessly cranking out stastics .
this post isnt exactly coherent but i feel so terribly dazed and unbelieving
i cant believe that humanity is still this stupid
i cant believe we still think that the death of others is the solution to our problems
i refuse to believe it .
and i go on living , eating , reading , watching television
while girls like me are suffering
will i ever walk the streets of beirut?
really come to know lebanon
will i ever walk the streets of a peaceful israel and palestine ?
as most of humankind has for millenia
i can only dream of an ideal tommorrow

my current romance

now i go to films alone
watch a silent telephone
send myself a valentine
whisper softly "I am mine"

dorothy parker
"men , who needs them?"

the orgasmic effect of andrea bocelli

what is it about this mans voice ?
It has such a potent effect on me , I could just spend days on end listening to him
closing my eyes and losing myself in the divine modulations and tones of it, the exquisite crescendos and caressing dimiuendos . i feel strangely like a ball bobbing gently in water. its so strangely thrilling to catch his almost imperceptible intake of breath as he ascends higher higher higher.......
oh god and when he sings la boheme, i just want to cry, its torturously wonderful . puccinis music and andreas voice ...... its like being one of the mortal lovers of zeus , dominated irresistibly and ravished .
just imagine having that voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear
i'd simply combust.
sigh

and so I begin ......

my dear citizens of the known universe
I present to you moi , an egyptian of the fair sex (though not exceptionally fair myself)
among many other things an extremely bad law student , a journalist , aspiring writer, OSCAR WILDE obssesive (his hallowed name may only be written in capitals) and possibly the only vegetarian egyptian to tread nocturnally exquisite cairene streets . your typical dreamer and terrible glutton . i decided to start a blog partly to amuse myself ,amuse others and naturelement vent my exsistential frustration . please enjoy the ensuing madness

adieu